Forgotten Families #1

For nearly 20 years I never thought twice when someone mentioned an event for couples or families from the local pulipit. Married with two children - fitting in at church was a snap. Then the bottom dropped out of my life. A single father trying to raise two teenage children is, at the very least a challenge. It requires the faith of Abraham, the determination of Noah and the courage of Joshua. There were times I really didn't believe I would make it through those years.

I have never known a church leadership to intentionally slight any member, or use language that was specificallly designed to alienate or offend their membership, but sadly it happens. When we talk about "ministering to young families," or hire "family ministers" we often forget there are single parent homes that want to be included and they struggle even to make it to church on Sunday. With nearly a fourth of our children living in single-parent homes, this is an area of ministry the church needs to be mindful of.

For just a minute forget the loneliness, forget the sorrow and heartache of divorce, ignore the social stigma many families face and think about the children. Here are a few statistics that might rattle your cage. 84% of all children in single-parent homes live in the custodial care of their mother. In homes where their is no father present (or he is emotionally absent) chidren are:

• 5 times more likely to commit suicide.
• 20 times more likely to have behavioral problems.
• 32 times more likely to run away.
• 9 times more likely to drop out of school.
• 10 times more likely to abuse drugs.
• 73 times more likely to be fatally abused.
• 71% of all teen pregnancies come from single-parent homes.

This is just a partial list, for all the data - send me an email at trent.wheeler@charter.net

What can the church do to discourage these tragic statistics. As the family of God we need to focus on two areas: 1) Prevention; 2) Ministry

Prevention: the more marriages we can save, the greater chance these children have of a viable, happy life. I have heard the arguments (they are better off without that woman, or man in their life). Maybe so, but the statistics bear out that in most cases - kids are better off if parents stay together and struggle to work it out. This is why organizaitons like Family Dynamics Institute are so vital.

Ministry: There are single adults who need the church to step up. Not only do they need support, encouragement, and financial assistance, but more than anything they need spiritual guidance. The growth of pre-marital sex, casual intimate relationships, loneliness, isolation and depression are epidemic in single-parent homes. Not only are these behaviors destructive to the parent (who continues to decieve themselves), but they are destroying the values of the children and putting them at risk of abuse, emotional conflict, spiritual decay and behavioral disorders.

Often times my appeals to single-parents to "do what is right" have fallen on deaf ears, but the call and challenge to "put your children first," has been a message that carries some weight in ministering to this community. Pray for the single parents in your church and reach out and walk with them in their Christian journey.